Hello, it's nice to meet you! Let's get to know each other.
Part of my spiritual journey was traveling to Bali after reading Eat, Pray, Love. I didn't know where Bali was; I just decided to go. Two weeks later, I found myself sitting across from Kutut (pictured above.) I'd love to hear about your own adventures (so send me an email already!)
Early Aspirations and Career
As early as childhood I was fascinated with the dynamics that are in play in relationships, why we behave the way we do. I also had a desire to be of service.
As circuitous as our careers often are, I found myself in a mergers and acquisitions firm. I attended regular meetings with c-level management, representing professional services and as head of the training department. My observations of the management team were that they were all very driven, and they often said hurtful things to each other. They were unaware of the emotional temperature in the room and the affect their behavior and the way they spoke had on their colleagues. They each complained they were stressed out from the meetings and didn’t accomplish what they had hoped.
After an off-site retreat and a Myers-Briggs test, the facilitator asked me about my experience of the meetings and I found my super-power- I told the truth. (We all have a superpower and if you don't know what yours is, let's talk!) I have the ability to help a person figure out what it is they want and need, underneath what they think they want and need, and to tell the truth of what I see in a clear, respectful, and helpful manner. I became what was essentially management's relationship coach. I had much success facilitating their conversations to accomplish their goals. This was fun and exciting for me and, for a time, it was my passion.
My father’s terminal diagnosis had a profound effect on my life. In sum, I relocated my home and the job I loved to help him through his time. After this profound and rewarding yet difficult time, I knew I had to find what brought me joy again.
I’ve had an adult lifetime of emotional and spiritual work, much of it in the rooms of 12 step recovery. With that experience, my own years of dating and learning, my career of coaching high-level management, and my desire to be of service, I decided to create a group for women wanting to find a partner. The first of many groups I held consisted of eight women. Five women met partners during the course of the group they later went on to marry. I’ve continued to facilitate groups with high connection success rates.
I was inspired by this success and pursued a masters degree in counseling and psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute. The thesis will be completed soon.
How I found my partner: Saying No to What I Didn’t Want
I had years of relationships with unavailable men where I felt I was reliving my relationship with my unavailable father. I was willing to be in relationship that allowed the other person to dictate its parameters regardless of my needs…until I wasn’t.
The last straw happened when an ex visited me wanting to tell me how he was screwing up his current relationship. I had a history of inappropriate boundaries and was learning healthy ones. His request did not feel good, and I told him I was not the right person to listen to him. We went to an AA meeting together that night and a guy sitting in front of me turned around and said hello…
The man that turned and said hello is now the father of my son, and a precious life partner.
Here’s the interesting thing. We had been attending that same meeting for seven years and never once saw each other. We knew the same people. He even saw people he knew sitting next to me, but never noticed me. I am hard to miss. I am 5’10” and blond. I speak often at meetings and have a voice that carries.
He was more on the introverted side. For years I was combing the room to find a partner. He is good looking, yet I never noticed him. It wasn’t that I saw him and dismissed him. I just never saw him.
It was abundantly clear that both of us needed to do our own spiritual and emotional work before we could literally see each other. He couldn’t have handled a woman as powerful as I am before that. I couldn’t have received the kind of love and affection he offers. He is totally available to me on all levels. I have complete access to him. He is totally devoted to me without feeling like I own him. This love and devotion makes me want to be kind and loving towards him, to honor what he offers.
And it was all so easy. Getting together, I never felt I had to push. It’s not that he and I don’t fight. It happens, but our communication flows. People often think it’s about what we wear or how we look. So often we succumb to the belief that we are not enough. My story lends some proof that, if we ready ourselves, we will find the partner of our desires, or our desires will mature and become clearer. It all starts with doing the emotional and spiritual work, coupled with putting yourself in the place to find your love. I feel uniquely qualified to coach you through this process.
My work with you
This work is sacred. I know it is. It is a combination of the spiritual and pragmatic. It is what I know. It is how I can best be of service. If I’m going to take time away from my toddler, it has to be profoundly worth it. I’m not going to tell you to do something I either haven’t experienced myself or witnessed someone else undergo with great results. I invite you to read more about my work and, if it resonates with you, let me help you on the path to finding the relationship you long for and deserve.